To Be Angry and Free

When it swells up from within and announces itself as a sudden redness in the cheeks and shortness of breath, Anger entwines itself around each and every thought. It pays no mind to past, present, and future. It loves them all equally. Angry at what was, angry at what is, and oh yes, fury directed towards a future that so far only exists in a vision. It's a vision stained red.

Anger makes a bold entrance, not afraid to be seen, but once the excitement wears off Anger prefers to settle into a quiet space. Anger thrives off an existence of disguise and deception. Its influence becomes subtle, mostly undetected, but it's enough. It's enough for survival. How long Anger chooses to stay depends on the coziness of the home it has found and the hospitality of the host. Will food be provided? Will there be places to hide? Anger can get cozy almost anywhere.

However, once in a while the conditions are not ideal for Anger. The host doesn't provide any food, the kind that Anger likes best...no negativity, no guilt, and especially no blame (Anger's personal favorite). This is foreign territory; it's clean, and it's open. There are very few dark places to sneak into, and even when they are found, the host seems to already know they are there and checks in on them frequently. This host isn't fooled by Anger's tricks and doesn't make any effort to accommodate its presence.

But Anger isn't told to leave, either. It is isn't rejected and shoved out. Instead there's an unfamiliar offering of acceptance in a language called Kindness which Anger does not understand.

"You mean, I'm welcome to stay? But, what will I eat? Where will I sleep?" The host responds, "I'll let you stay for as long as you need, but after that you are free to go". The conversation ends. Anger tries its usual means of getting attention, but this host is not receptive. This host is preoccupied by other, more important matters.

Tired and hungry, Anger chooses to leave quietly, freeing the Host of its toxicity without ever having caused that much damage in the first place. A sharp wound was inflicted but was tended to lovingly and allowed to heal. Anger was no match for this type of tender care, and no infection of rage and resentment could be grown in such a loving substrate.

For the first time, Anger was not only recognized, but was also accepted and understood. This Host was so different. It knew who Anger was and how dangerous it could be, yet it was unafraid. It was even willing to open the door and say Hello.

These Hosts are rare. They see and analyze every emotion, and they do not reject or judge any of them. Their doors are always open, to both receiving and to saying goodbye. Nothing is ever locked or hidden. The rooms are brightly lit and are devoid of clutter. There's an overwhelming sense of freedom and calm. Anger can't make sense of it or digest it, and so ultimately it chooses to move on. These hosts are initially just as vulnerable as any other though, which makes them hard to spot from afar. Even after Anger rushes in and makes a mess it isn't always obvious that it has stumbled into an alien world. It's only after the dust settles that Anger looks around and realizes there is no home for me here.

light.jpg